I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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