i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i dont even know how to be here
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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