i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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