she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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