so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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