you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need water and some morals
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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