When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
