And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
