thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
