There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
