just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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