I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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