I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
