so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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