Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am available for nakedness
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
