you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
