i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
