Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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