Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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