Having a random hookup so left but love u
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
