I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
