her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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