like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
