have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
