is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
