Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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