I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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