I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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