I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
