He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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