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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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