she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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