i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize