I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
