AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
