Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
