Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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