When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
