Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
