i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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