Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
should my penis look like a turkey
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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