I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
