I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
