I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
