he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
