New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
