Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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