I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize