Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
