The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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