Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
