In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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