Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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