I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize