My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
