If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
