When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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