The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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