Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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