I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
