Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
