grandma shit on top of the toilet
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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