Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
