She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
