The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
